Years ago, I heard it said that “Christians do not tell
lies, they sing them.” In that moment it
didn’t make a whole lot of sense and I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until I was in church that next
Sunday and I stood for worship and began to sing along as I normally do. I didn’t give much thought as to what I was
singing because I knew the words to the songs in and out. No need to look at the lyrics being projected
on the wall, I knew every word. As I
continued to sing, I began to process what words were actually coming out of my
mouth. And beyond that…. I wondered if I
actually believed what I was singing.
Did I believe that grace is amazing?
Or that the more I seek You – the more
I find You. Do I lay my crowns at the feet of Jesus? It is so easy to speak, but do my actions
align with the words I sing, that I hardly give a second thought to?
Last night as I gathered with the summer class of Mission of
Hope interns for a night of worship, this realization of ‘what am I singing?’
hit me again. Most are going to be
familiar with the song, Blessed Be The Name of the Lord. It has been sung for years. I have sung it for years… But last night a phrase jumped out at me and
caused me to stop singing. These were
the words: “Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be
your glorious name. You give and take away. You give
and take away. My heart will choose to
say, blessed be your name.” I had to
sit in silence.
Let me explain a little more why these words struck me with
such conviction. Yesterday afternoon I
went to find a Haitian family who I have not seen in a very long time. They had moved to a different village and I wasn’t
sure where to find them anymore. So with
a team of Haitian friends, we set out to find this family that I love so
dearly. One of the reasons I was so
eager to find them was that the mom was pregnant with their 5th
child. And to add more excitement to the
scenario – back in the states, my brother and sister-in-law are also
pregnant. The miracle of life seemed to
be all around me. While we were in the
car, searching for the family – I was receiving messages from home the
contractions had started. My niece was
coming! Surprisingly, it didn’t take
long for us to find the Haitian family in their new home. I eagerly greeted them! You could see the shock on their face as I
came walking through their gate! I had
no way of telling them I was coming – their surprised faces were
priceless. I quickly scooped up the
youngest boy and hugged him as tight as I could. Such joy filled my heart as I was reunited
with this family. As I looked at the mom
I could tell that she was excited to see me, but I could also see a deep
sadness in her eyes. As she began to
speak, I knew what was coming. The baby
had not lived. Sadness gripped my heart
in an instant. Fighting back tears was
impossible.
So going back now to the worship night – fully knowing that
one baby has died and one baby is on the way, my heart wrenched as I sang the
words ‘you give and take away.’ But beyond those words… the ones that caused
me to stop and be absolutely sure before I sang them again were, ‘my heart will choose to say.’ My heart will choose. A choice.
The decision is mine. Not one of
force. So as I sat thinking of such
sorrow in one hand and such joy in the other, I could not help but think of
Jesus. I could not help but think of grace and how amazing it really is. I
could not help but think of the choice He made on my behalf and once again
fighting back tears was impossible.
Today, joy fills my heart yet again as Evelyn Hope
Billingslea has
entered the world. Evelyn Hope. Her
name literally means bearer of life and hope. I am more thankful for her than she will
probably ever know. She is tangible evidence
of God’s grace and love for us. I am excited
to be back in the states in 10 days and be able to hold her. There is no way to explain how thankful I am
for the miracle of life. And even more
thankful for the breath in my lungs to be able to sing of the Lords goodness
day after day after day.
